# An Anecdotal Look at How the Autistic Brain Works First, a few disclaimers. I am not professionally diagnosed, however I am self-diagnosed as autistic. I was high-masking until the pandemic hit and naturally unmasked (mostly) during lockdown. When things started up again, I resisted re-masking and had several shutdowns/meltdowns which led me to do a ton of research and take many assessments that all indicated a very high probability that I am autistic. Additionally, I am not an expert on autism by any means. These are simply my own personal thoughts from experiences and observation of other autistic people. ## Why do we excel at some things and fail miserably at others? Many people know that autistic people are really good at some things while they lack in others. For autistic people, sometimes it just doesn't "click" for the longest time. In my experience, there are things I learn very quickly and there are things that just don't make sense to me. Sometimes, the click happens, other times it never comes. ##### Here's an example: It took me [[Things that Took Me FOREVER to Learn|FOREVER]] to learn how to tie my shoes. I think it was mostly me not being able to process the steps as I watched others do it. I'm very much a "learn by doing" kind of person and I really need the time to figure stuff out on my own. So, with shoe tying, it wasn't until I had the time, sitting in line after Kindergarten lunch one day, to finally put all the pieces together. After fiddling with it, I remember kind of taking this deep breath and really pushing my brain to logically figure out *how* it all worked, how it was supposed to come together. Then that moment came. The **CLICK** came. I tied my shoe. No one was watching, no one was confusing me, no one celebrated with me, but I knew that I did it. #### So why did it take me so long? Here's the thing. My brain works differently. No amount of demonstration, coaxing, "guiding" my hands was *EVER* going to work for me. I had to want to figure it out. I had to try and fail many, many times before I could figure it out on my own. #### Why is this applicable to other autistic people? While researching, I came across a Youtube channel about a family that includes an autistic teen girl who is non-vocal. I'm not going to name the girl or the channel here, but I will say that it's a large channel that posts a new video nearly every day. I decided to start watching the channel to try and understand autism better, to draw comparisons between her and myself, and to see how her autism effects her life is such a different way than mine effects me. Unfortunately, a few videos in, I found myself yelling at the screen. Each time I saw a parent or therapist physically correct this girl, I would yell. Each time they'd clearly ignore that she was on the verge of a melt down, I would yell. Each time she was made to do some pointless thing, well...you get it by now. _Deep breath._ Watching these videos made it clear to me that people who aren't autistic will _never_ understand the nuances of autism. For so long, therapies have been developed without the input of autistic people. There's a lot of misinterpretation and misunderstanding going on in this field and the worst part? ***It's holding autistic people back.*** Let me put it this way: Autistic people are stubborn. Pathological Demand Avoidance, valuing autonomy, rigid logical thinking, and other features of autism make us the most stubborn people you will ever meet. If we don't want to do something, learn something, say something, interact with something, you won't get us to do it...with one major caveat. If we are conditioned to just get something over with so we can go back to our own stuff, we will. If we know it's easier to comply, than to fight, we will. And therein lies the issue. Compliance training is something that will hold us back. Doing the bare minimum just to appease someone is not teaching us a new skill, it's teaching us to manipulate and to be manipulated. It's really a very unhealthy thing for everyone involved. To add to that, too many compliance demands will put us into meltdown or shutdown--especially if we feel we've met all the demands just to have another one added right when we think we've "earned" our free time. Meltdown and shutdown are two very ugly states that we do not like to be in. And I feel that if some (MOST) autistic people were allowed the time to grow naturally at their own pace without being forced, without setbacks and meltdowns and shutdowns, that they would be far better off. They'd be further along in life and development than their parents or therapists ever thought possible. > In conclusion, I whole-heartedly believe that allistic approaches to autism are holding autistic people back and causing more problems than they're solving.